Screwed
by Seadragon
Summary: “Do you want to be scrubbing pots for the rest of your miserable existence!” The gang, Kel, Dom, and Neal [cough-Blossom-cough], are late. Very late. So Neal must suffer. Why, Neal you say? Well, he’s screwed... [Complete]


**Title: **Screwed

**Author: **The Almighty [cough-ya right-cough] Seadragon

**Genre:** Humor

**Rating:** pg-13 [don't ask me why…]

**Summary:** "Do you want to be scrubbing pots for the rest of your miserable existence?!" The gang, Kel, Dom, and Neal [cough-Blossom-cough], are late. Very late. So Neal must suffer… Why, Neal you say? Well, he's screwed.

Screwed 

N "Come on! Hurry!"

K "What's the rush?"

N "Do you want to be scrubbing pots for the rest of your miserable existence?!"

D "Well now that you mention it…"

N "I'm cursed, really and truly cursed."

K "Or at least you will be if we don't get back soon."

N "I've been trying to tell you that!"

D "Well then why didn't you speak up?"

N "It's going to be a long walk…"

K "Who said we were walking?! We'll never get there at this rate!"

N "Even if we run we will be late, might as well get there _alive_!"

D "I hate to say it, but he has a point…"

K "Yes, sad, but true. What has the world come to? I mean, _Meathead_, making _sense_?"

D "I'm sorry, did you just use the words Meathead and sense together in a sentence with out _–non-_ in between?!"

K "Strangely, yes."

N "I hate you. Both of you."

D "We love you too Meathead."

N "I'm sure…"

K "Neal! I'm hurt!"

N "I'm sure you are…"

D "I say we ditch him!"

K "Sounds like a plan!"

N "I'm right here you know?"

K "So?"

N "I'm screwed."

D "And why would that be dear Meathead?"

N "Well, for one, THAT NAME. Two, you guys are doing everything humanly possible to make me late, something I really hate…"

K "I didn't know life was so rough on you. Poor, poor Nealan…"

N "Thank y- HEY!"

D "I didn't know we are trying to make you late! But that's a good idea! Thanks!"

N "I'm screwed…"

K "I'm sure you are, now tell Keladry what's the matter."

N "You're cruel, pathetic, EVIL people!"

D "I believe he said the exact same thing to a flight of stairs just last week, right after he fell down them."

K "And then there was the time with the wall…"

D "And the scroll! Don't forget that!

K "I could never forget a sight like that!"

N "Once again, I'm screwed."

D "We noticed."

N "Did you now?"

K "Yes, I believe we did!"

N "Well congratulations, now can we HURRY UP?!"

D "No, I don't believe we can."

N "You do this just to torture me."

K "You noticed?"

N "Yes, I believe I did!"

D "Whoa, major Déjà vu there…"

N "Please, please, please can we hurry up?"

K "Of course!"

N "Thank the gods!"

D "But what will you do for us?"

N "I'm screwed."

K "Yes Nealan, I believe you are…"

N "NEAL! It's NEAL! Not Nealan, not Meathead. NEAL!"

D "Whoa, calm down there Meathead!"

N "Grr…"

K "I suppose we could always call you Blossom…"

D "I like it!"

N "BLOSSOM?! WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?!!"

K "Quiet Blossom, don't want to be late do we?"

N "I'm screwed…"

D "So we've heard Blossom."

K "What is with him and saying that?"

D "I think we're better off not knowing, don't ya think?"

K "Most likely."

N "Blossom. _Blossom_. BLOSSOM! Where in the name of the Black God did that come from? Nealan, sure whatever. Meathead, okay, I can understand that from people with as low of an intelligence as them. But BLOSSOM?!"

K "I don't think he likes his new name."

N "Ya think?!"

D "No, not usually."

N "I'm screwed…"

K "Are you?"

D "Wow."

K "I mean, that's like, well, FAR OUT!"

N "Save me, save me now."

D "Yo, Dudette, sorry, Dude, Blossom!"

N "Help."

K "Aww, poor wittle Blossom, needs the big strong knight to save him from the big bad sergeant!"

D "Now there's a thought."

N "You have thoughts? Wow, I for one am surprised!"

D "Can we hurt him now?"

K "Gladly."

N "I'm screwed…"

K "You don't say?"

N "Actually, I do."

D "Figure of speech Blossom. Figure of speech."

N [sorry, B] "Point being?"

D "I would have thought you would be a little smarter, what with burying your head in books all the time… But then again, it is _you_ we are talking about, so I guess not."

N "I'm hurt."

K "I'm sure you are. Want to talk about it?"

N "Not with you freaks, no!"

D "Alright, now I'm hurt!"

K "Wanna talk about it?"

D "Well you see, my cousin, Meathead/Blossom, is so mean to me and-"

N "I'M MEAN TO YOU?!"

K "Quiet! Let Dom tell his story!"

D "Yes you are! You make me feel like crying all the time, and then the other men in the Own laugh at me-"

N "Serves you right."

K "That's not very nice! Go to your room!"

N "I'm trying…"

D "Well that was the highlight of my day!"

N "What was?"

D "Kel ordering Blossom to go to his room!"

N "Ha freakin' ha."

D "You know you're laughing on the inside."

N "AM I?!"

K "Hate to tell you guys, but if we don't hurry up, none of us are ever going to be laughing again."

D "Now there's a sad thought."

N "You know how to thi-"

D "Don't say it."

N "I'm screwed aren't I?"

K "I think it's safe to say…"

K/D "Yes."

N "Well then… Aren't we there yet?"

D "Obviously not."

N "Well then what's taking so long?"

K "You know, that's a good question…"

D "Alright, this is getting freaky, Meathead/Blossom/Nealan/who ever the hell he is, has made sense _twice_ today!

K "You're right! That's just unnatural!"

D "I mean, usually he's right, say every other month, not twice in one day!"

K "Alright! Gig's up! We know you aren't Neal! Who are you?!"

D "Speak up!"

N "I'm screwed…"

K "Yes you are you, you, IMPOSTER!"

D "How dare you trick us like that?!"

N "Did you two get into Numair's stupid potion again?"

D "NO! That only happened once!"

K "Yah!"

N "Hmm, I wonder if it had lasting effects…"

K "Repeat that."

D "Yes, please do…"

N "You know what, I just remembered something I have to do…"

D "No."

N "What?"

K "You aren't going anywhere buddy, unless it's with us."

N "I'm screwed."

D "ENOUGH ALREADY!"

N "Not until you stop calling me Blossom/Meathead/Nealan."

D "Never mind then… Blossom."

N "ARGH!"

K "My he yells real nice…"

D "Agreed."

K "Now, where were we?"

N "About ten minutes away from doing punishment work for the rest of our pitiful being."

D "He's a bit of a pessimist, no?"

N "With YOU for a cousin, and YOU for a best friend, who wouldn't be?!"

K "I think that was an insult…"

N "No, ya think?!"

D "Again, no, not usually."

N "Black God have mercy on my soul!"

K "You have a soul? Huh, you learn something new everyday."

N "I don't have to put up with this…"

D "Oh? And what are you going to do about it?"

N "I'm going t- absolutely nothing!"

K "That's good. I would hate to have to hurt you."

N "Right."

D "Back to a comment made a while ago, you know, before we thought Blossom was an imposter?"

N "I'm going to be scarred for life by that name."

K "That's nice. Now be quiet so the nice sergeant can talk."

N "Hah! Nice my a-"

D "Good choice. Anyways, what is taking us so long?!"

K "Hmm…"

N "Hmm…"

D "Blossom! You can think?!"

N "Wow, I hate you right about now."

D "Do you?"

K "Nealan! You are so rude! I want a five-page essay on manners. Tomorrow!"

N "But, but!"

K "No buts about it, or it'll be ten!"

N "I'm screwed."

D "This gets more and more amusing every minute!"

N "For you maybe…"

K "So anyways, I was walking down the street, when this dog just walked up to me and said-"

N "Kel, are you feeling alright?"

D "Of course she is! You're the loony one!"

N "Why me?! Why me?!"

D "Because you're fun to torture!"

N "I would be."

K "Blossom, have you ever considering the nice healers?"

D "He did, they went mad."

K "Now there's a surprise!"

N "At least someone's on my side!"

D "Meathead, I think she was being sarcastic."

N "Well then!"

K "There really is no point in reasoning with him is there?"

D "Why do you think I call him Meathead?"

N "I'm right here, you know."

K "So?"

N "I'm screwed."

K "Look! We're almost there!"

N "It's about time!"

D "Uh oh."

K "You know what this means?"

N/K/D "We're screwed."

The End [Or is it the beginning?] 


End file.
